I recently realised that many of you may have questions or ‘life problems’ that I in my infinite wisdom would be able to solve for you. Hence for this reason I have created the very FAQ you now read before you. Below I am sure are many answers to questions you are all undoubtedly curious to know. If there is anything that I have not not covered in the FAQ please feel free to ask. After all I only wish to make your life better. However I do pass this warning do not ask a question twice as it could threaten the very existence of the universe. Also I don’t care to repeat myself so pay attention.
What is your secret identity?
This is the most the most frequently asked question I get asked. I am however afraid it is one I can not answer, for reasons far too numerous and complex for anyone to understand. I fear that if the world where to know my true identity, then I would not be able to do the great work that I have set out too.
Why is it you can not reveal your secret identity?
See above. I have already said I do not care to repeat myself.
Are you immortal?
Yes I am in fact immortal. However this is not a theory I have ever put to the test, on the slim chance that I might be wrong.
Is there anything you can not do/know?
Yes there are three things. I can’t Wiggle my ears, never been able to do it, I don’t know why. I have also spent many years without success trying to think of a third thing I can’t do.
Are you God?
Alas this is not for me to decide, for I am but merely a man, If I am to be a God it is because you my followers have decided it so.
Why are the bee’s disappearing?
I felt that black and yellow wasn’t a very good colour combination. I tried to reason with them, but damn it they just wouldn’t listen. I do not regret my decision.
What do you in your spare time?
Time is finite, none is spare. I also have a passion for carpentry and murder mystery novels.
Are the rumours true?
There is only one and yes it is.
What right do I have as a person to ask you a question?
Well my friend you already have and you have every right. It is only natural for you be curious. So much of this world must be a strange and scary place for you. I am here to show you the way, the light. So please ask, ask and ask some more.
What is the meaning of life?
Too be updated as necessary.